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My President is White….#GuyScottMuntuWesu

Okay so for the next 90days my president is white*does the moonwalk*. A bittersweet moment am sure for President Guy Scott but, i salute him. I’m personally very happy about this but as always not everyone shares my sentiments.

Many of Zambia’s politicians and her citizens seem to be bitter about this development not because of the parentage clause in the constitution but because he, Dr Scott is a white man. Zambia never had a problem with it before. Kaunda, a black man was president, yet his father was from Malawi(a simple factor that many empty vessels don’t know). The parentage clause was only introduced so FTJ Chiluba could block Kaunda from re-standing(if you remember Kaunda’s citizenship was stripped in 99 till 00-Chiluba though…lol).

The Zambian constitution as it stands is very contradictory and well it also depends on how you understand it;
Article 38(2) reads”Whenever the office of the President becomes vacant the Vice President or, in the absence of the Vice President or if the president is unable, by reason physical or mental infirmity, to discharge the functions of his office, a member of the cabinet elected by the cabinet shall perform the functions of the office of the president until a person is elected as President in accordance with article 34 assumes office”.

Many do-not realise that Guy Scott does qualify to be ACTING President he just doesn’t qualify to stand for elections for presidency. It is unfortunate, for Zambia the parentage clause denies him the opportunity to run for President. With all the power hungry tribalists in Zambia Guy Scott is a neutral player. No person shall be favoured because of their tribe and honestly maybe a white president is what Zambia needs. Guy Scott has proven to be more Zambian that a lot of these politicians and citizens. People want to play the race card then fine imagine how much more investment this country will gain with its representative as a white man? A lot of us black Zambian’s tend to treat the white people better, its a common practise. In a restaurant a muzungu(white man)will even receive better service because of the colour of his/her skin, so why not have him in the for front? Ha! Now Zambian’s are forced to confront their overt racism. Black Zambians love to judge and decide who is “Zambian enough” to be Zambian. We saw it with Chiluba and now here we are. Our colonial passed was brutal but, on the 24th of October 1964 we said goodbye to Rhodesia and declared the land Zambia, and all who were born here became ZAMBIAN, including Dr. Guy Lindsay Scott.

So with that said Zambia, we have 90days to amend the parentage clause in the DRAFT constitution so Dr. Scott can be President. I love the idea of a white president and the fact that he has love for his country and is an economist seals the deal.

Zambia is the definition of ubuntu(human kindness). One Zambia, One Nation.

Note: This is a PERSONAL view, its how I feel. #GuyScottMuntuWesu My President is White.

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The Rubber In the Wallet…

Condoms, like little raincoats protecting us from the rain, they made to protect us from STIs and HIV/AIDS. Made in different colours and flavours, looking like sweets. Some have personality they either extra thin, ribbed or studded. Many kept in the side pocket of wallets and purses. One of mans greatest creations.

These little latex creations are usually kept by men because somehow society thinks it is taboo for a woman to keep condoms. If she has some in her purse then automatically we conclude that she is mischievous and is probably a whore! But how can we be so shallow and think like this? Shouldn’t we applaud her bravery and courage for she has chosen to take a stand and protect herself? She’s taking charge of her own life. If you are this type of woman I applaud you! The same people who dare to condemn will NOT be there to look after you or care for you should you get sick. They will only do what they know best, condemn you and say something hypocritical like”but why didn’t she use condoms? These days vintu vina chinja! Naba kazi bama nyamula ma condom”…Honey carry those condoms only YOU can protect your life!!! There aint no shame with having 1durex, 2karma sutra in your purse, remember its YOUR life, YOUR health…

The couple still using condoms, girlfriend mad you pulled out a condom from that little pocket in your wallet. Suspicious, you didn’t stop over at a filling station to get some, and the last time she checked you guys used the last one..So where did this one come from? Is he cheating? How come he only has one? Where did the other two go? He tells you he gave them to naughty friend Mike. Conflicted on whether or not to believe him, its always a tough one, cause the number of thirsty girls is continuously on the rise and that one suspicious message doesn’t help the situation ether. Though the way I see it, nobody wants to be cheated on but shouldn’t you be slightly grateful that he has the decency to at least protect himself and you???

This is to the married woman who found the receipt from puma that read; bread, eggs, milk, tissue, 1hunters, 2castle lite, 1 ks condoms…. Or you, who found a box of condoms in the car he has been using for a while now. I know it hurts. This man is disrespecting you! Your family! Your commitment to one another etc…but when you sit down and think about it at least he is protecting you from the these illnesses by protecting himself, right???

Now let’s get something straight here I’m not saying cheating is okay because condoms are there NO!!! Frankly if you know he is being unfaithful get him!!! Make a plan with the mistress and trap his lying ass!!!

Anyway, married or not condoms are your friends(I’ve said this before). If you going to cheat, use them! It would be very unfair of you to make your partner suffer because of your sex crazed genitals… Its unfair to your kids, its unfair to yourself. Do you not love yourself enough to want to live a long happy, HEALTHY life?

Stay protected, stay healthy.

#IAmAZedBlogger

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The 90day theory and loneliness…

I waited 90days to see if he was worth it and guess what! He wasn’t! Even after being given the title “girlfriend”(which came less than 90days)and thank God the cookie jar hadn’t been opened. See I realised that he wasn’t a healthy thing for me. I wasn’t getting what I deserved. No communication, no love, no butterflies, no nothing. It was nothing but a dark coexistence. Here was a guy so quick to show me off as his “girlfriend” but wasn’t quick enough to put in any effort towards the relationship. I was a “trophy girl”show off thing to his buddies(asshole!!). I can simply say worst “relationship” ever!!!! Glad that’s over. Yeap I’m glad that’s over, I never cried or felt bad it was done because I never gave it up. The 90day rule is effective.

I was recently reminded about that. I was losing my way these butterflies had me feeling some kind of way. Feeling conflicted, I had to confined in one of my male friends.
Q: how do I not give up and the cookie and have a relationship?
A:if you want a relationship you going to have to keep him out the jar. Your mistake is you’ve already had cookie talk but if you talk more about the cookie then its all he wants. Make appearances together, keep the cookie talk but don’t make it the basis of you talking. Be a lady get the respect you deserve. If you worth it he will wait.
Blunt and to the point. This only reminded me of Steve Harvey’s “The ninety day rule(yes I have a copy, every woman should). Its all about empowerment, self-worth and respect. Why don’t we ever wait to see if he is worthy? Why was I in a hurry? I realised that loneliness can play tricks on you. It will have you rushing into things you not ready for. An empty vessel is the devils playground best believe it.

It was like an epiphany. He was telling me something I already knew, something I’ve blogged about before, bloody hell I’ve executed the 90day rule before! So, why, why was I being naïve and stupid! I mean how well do I know this guy? Do I know him well enough to have his back no questions asked? We talk everyday he makes me feel some kind of way, but is that really enough? How sure am I that after the cookie(to those who haven’t figured it out yet I’m talking sex)he won’t just walk away! Is he supportive? Is he the man I want a relationship with? Who am I to him? What are we? Many questions no answers. Remembering that I need to see this probation all the way through so I can ease my mind and have answers to all my questions. As a woman I need to be careful. Ladies love is a battlefield and we always have to be ready and suit up. Until a man is ready to RESPECT, profess, provide and protect us we should hold on and seal the cookie jar tight.

We have so much power so why don’t we hold on to it? It is us who let a man know if its okay for him to kiss us, hug us, talk to us etc..see we hold the power! The power is OURS. I know it can be scary we there thinking but he is such a great guy and if I don’t give it up he will flee and get it else where. Shouldn’t we be excited that a man like that has fled? He didn’t think you worth the wait nor did he think you are more than just a chocolate chip cookie. So why the sadness and tears?

Don’t give up that power. Keep it. You only give up that power when the man has earned it, and he is going to respect it and do something with it. That’s the truth.

I’m taking a step back and calming tha f*ck down because loneliness can be so deceiving and can easily cloud judgement. Taking a deep breath and bringing out my playbook. Even if we’ve been cool for less than 90days its time to hit the restart button. Let’s see if he will be worth the full benefits. 90days, 86days to go. xoxo

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Social Media and Relationships…

Social media, a simple platform where people interact, catch up on the world whether news or gossip and well, it’s a demons hideout.

When it comes to relationships, social media IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Many get excited and stupid and put all their business out there for everyone to see. We know when they are happy or when there is a fallout. One minute its “baby you’re simply amaZing. God thank you for my baby, I love you……….(Insert name here)”. 7likes and 11comments…smh then before the day ends “some people why do they have to make love complicated!!! Ah mxxxcm!!”….lol 30likes, 15comments and the relationship status changes to “its complicated” or “widowed” such fuckery. Why not keep your issues to yourselves and keep YOUR relationship under the radar? I mean we not there to witness your sex-sexuals why should we be there for your drama? See putting your business out there only gives motive to the demons to bring more destruction. Remember not everyone is happy you together. So hush up sit in a dark corner and sort out your issues together and ALONE!!!

Social networks are also hideouts for the unhappy fools who spend every hour on the hour stalking your twitter, instagram and facebook waiting to see that post of unhappiness so they can pounce and use your misery for their own benefit. What do they gain, we wonder… I don’t know maybe a few high fives and a pat on the back from lucifer*hisses*.

Then there those people who ALWAYS want to profess their love for their significant other. *read closely* STOP THAT MADNESS you’re ANNOYING!!! So you’re together and you love each other we get that but see the problem with such foolishness is that when there is a fallout you make us, outsiders happy. We have a break from that lovie dovie mess.

I personally like the couple that flirts with each other now and then. They just give you enough to know they together. Fight or not you have no idea what’s going on in their relationship. Its that confuse the enemy strategy I LOVE because at the end of the day, a relationship is two people. All those 600 facebook friends, 2,000 followers on twitter and instagram are irrelevant.

So, PLEASE! Its your relationship not ours do what you must to protect it, because only you can. Acknowledge that not everyone is happy for you, know who to confined in. Remember social media is NOT your friend…

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A New Mind….

There comes a time when the mind is as shallow as a baby pool. Our interest in the opposite sex is about status. This shallow thinking is brewed in high school. Always wanting to date the hottest guy or girl, all for mediocre recognition amongst our peers. The school corridors filled with careless whispers and envy. High School the “experimental” years, so they say. Well unfortunately we only realise the qualities we need from a partner in college/uni.

During this time dating is an open field expecting anything because not even the high school puppy love relationships and break-ups can prepare you for the random storms and beautiful weathers ahead. We fall in-love, we fall out of it, we experience our 1st true heartbreaks, we begin to piece together what we desire and expect out of these relationships we encounter.

Thanks to the good and bad individuals we come across, there comes a point when the shallow waters start to have depth. The scars left behind by Mr handsome and his BMW with a free fuel supply from his father and horrible personality and attitude towards life are eased by Mr simple, with his grey corolla, stable job and doing what he must to get his degree. He is caring, funny, smart, he may not be good looking but his heart makes him beautiful. He adds value to your life and vice versa, to him you more beautiful than diamonds and ruby’s. On the other hand Mr Handsome treats you like a trophy. You good enough to show off in public and never to his family. You add no value to his life because there fifty other girls waiting to do anything he desires just to be paraded in chicago’s. Just another notch on his belt, all for what? Free drinks and bad publicity. Let’s not forget the tears that come with dating such a guy sacrificing your own happiness so you not laughed at….smh

See society has released a curriculum vitae of what a socially acceptable wo/man, girl/boyfriend, wife/husband should be. It is this very deceit we bask in that leaves us wondering why? And when! Why are we always getting heartbroken? and When will love come! With the illusion imprinted on us by our societies we can only wonder. The moment we change and adapt a new mind and realise that money, looks and social status will never come close nor will they for fill our hearts desires and needs is when we shame society for its vile poison that leaves our minds crippled and slaved to unhappiness.

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Tell me why!

Now, honey you need to sit down and look around
Cause something aint right but I love you enough to talk some sense back into you!

I’d hate for you to come home, find me, the kids and the dog is gone. I’ve given you everything you want, everything you need
Even your friends say I’m a good woman but all I need to know is why?

Why is your love different? Tell me why! Haven’t I made me so damn easy to love? Tell me why! Why don’t you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don’t you need me no more? Who could be taking my place?

I got beauty, class, style, heart and I got ass and you don’t even care to care! Look here, I even put money in the bank account all saved up for a rainy day so you don’t have to ask no one to help us out! You don’t even notice that! Why boy why? Who you drifting off to?

I got moves in your bedroom, I keep you happy with the nasty things I do but you don’t seem to be in tune with the rhythm of my hips, your lips seem to be lying. Why do you feel so different? Tell me boy!
Ooh…..

There’s nothing not to love about me! There’s nothing not to need about me! No, no, boy I’m lovely… Wait! Hold on, maybe you’re just not the one or maybe you’re just plain……. DUMB!!! Though I’ve noticed you different when Marcus comes around, all those late nights with him! Small gestures thrown back and forth between yo’ll! I maybe cooking but I’m always watching you boy..haven’t I been woman enough for you! Why did you have to break us like that? Tell me boy why?

DAMN!!!

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The Happy Break-Up….Cheers To The Single Life…

Have you ever been so happy a relationship is over? You don’t have to worry, or want to emotionally connect with someone or question what drew you to them in the first place? Worry about where they are? If they have eaten? Are they okay?

Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships and asking ourselves “WHAT THE F**K IS THIS!!” Forgetting we agreed to the partnership but just didn’t sign up for the fuckery…nah mean? I guess we forget the importance of giving a relationship the chance to grow and blossom. Not rushing into sex or going above and beyond for the person we think could be…not being deceived by our lonely souls and being able to walk away from what could be a heartbreaking relationship. A walk that leaves you happy and stronger and nowhere near broken…

Waking up with no tears, a sore heart or puffy eyes. The freedom and joy that comes with knowing you didn’t give up that part of you that strengthens the bond you suppose to share. The beauty hidden in not rushing into anything.

Sex really changes the relationship between two people. Personally I think its why break-ups hurt the way they do. When God said “No sex before marriage” he knew what he was talking about. So people, even when we engage in these relationships let’s guard ourselves jealously, especially females. The moment you learn to love yourself and be selfish with yourself is the day you can walk away from some fuckery with no regrets. You haven’t lost anything but time. It could have been worse, a lot worse and that’s why when its over don’t sulk, smile. Go grab yourself something new, look forward to the next best thing and toast to dodging a silver bullet. Understand there is nothing wrong with being single… So mingle, enjoy being alone and build yourself for the next best thing…

Toast; lifes too short for fuckery……CHEERS!!!!

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This Could Be Love.

In bed waiting, anticipating for you to give it to me, boy I’m trying so hard to hold it inside. My heart is racing, my body shaking cause when you give it to me I feel you’re truth and I can’t lie either. I like this, I could call it love cause it feels like love and i can’t get enough of you.

Don’t wake me, i must be dreaming, this high has me smiling and giggling, grabbing sheets, screaming into pillows. The places you take me, now I’m changing faces as we trade places. Holding onto my breath waiting to excel boy you got me on cloud nine.

The week has come and gone and I can’t wait to see you, be with you. Its been a long day and alone we are in this room getting faded. Fading into the shots of whiskey, fading into each other. Its getting heated and the look in you’re eyes says it all, we going beyond cloud nine. Baby I like the way you feel, I like the way you make me feel. This connection is too deep and too powerful to be just lust. Let’s not be foolish, this is too good to let go.

I think this is love, this could be love, trying to distract myself and the thought of you has me closing my eyes and biting my bottom lip. I simply can’t get enough of you, its alright, i’ll be a fool and give it up, because this is love baby, this all i need.

The love is ours to make so we should make it. Everything else can wait, the time is ours to take so we should take it. Its Tuesday afternoon I know you on your grind but baby I can’t wait. I’m pulling out my phone and jumping into the car. Sending you a text…..’Where you? I want you!’

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An Appluase for Her

She says her vows back to him, believing that from this day onwards(after the priest/father/pastor pronounces them husband and wife)he is no longer accountable for just himself, but for her as well. Today onwards he is accountable for her, their future, responsibilities, their marriage and family. Today is the day she sees him blossom into more than just a husband but a man. On this day she seals her undivided trust, loyalty, respect and love for him.

The anniversaries come and go, a family of two now becomes three as she bares their first child. All is nothing but wonderful in this commitment. As the marriage grows so do they. Never coming short on her duties as a wife, mother and career woman. She is super woman to the eyes of the man who has nothing but meaningless sex and short hopeless relationships. She is a Goddess.

He sits and wonders how a man with such a strong woman can be so comfortable in the company of other women, women who only see him as a source of income. He wonders how he can run his hands up the skirt of woman who is only budgeting what she will buy once he off loads into that plastic! He wonders how he can still go home to a Goddess, lay next to her, hold her, embrace her and tell her he loves her! He wonders how a man can be so comfortable to proudly say he has a child outside his marital home! He wonders how she will feel once she finds out the man accountable for her is short on change.

Broken she is by the man who she believed would always love her unconditionally, protect her, respect her, be loyal to her! Broken by his choice to ly in the arms which are not attached to her body, shaken by his will to spread his seed in foreign land!

Bruised by his hand she does nothing, she cries silently in the shower. Masking her tears with the running water. Like a sponge she soaks up all her emotions and wears a plastic smile, the marks on her face shadowed by mac NW45. Sadden by the terror in her child’s eyes she finds strength to escape. We applaud her for not being one of those women who believe life without a man is meaningless. We applaud her for picking herself and starting over, We applaud her for protecting her child, we applaud her for being strong enough to say enough is enough. And a special applause for the woman who sees passed a man’s indiscretions and can accept his legitimate child.

An applause for her….

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Out With The Old: REVAMPED

Last year was a never ending roller coaster ride with extreme highs and screaming, depressing lows. Though, I must admit I had so many great nights with my people. Memories that will always put a smile on my face.

Men. Been hurt sooooooo many times there aren’t enough O’s to express the times. But, I’ve always picked myself up and best believe I’m on the look out now. I’m not settling for less, I’m not going to make excuses, I’m not going to try and take charge. Yes, I need to learn how to let a man lead and let him be a man. I need to learn to let a man do him and not always try and help him out. Lol. Smh-esh now that line “You don’t need a man, You are a man” from the movie Think Like A man just made SOME sense. Mmmmm but its ok we not perfect that’s an area I’m really working on. Exposing myself to guys I wouldn’t usually date and its turning out great. Sometimes we look in all wrong places for all the right seasons and that’s how we end up being used. I looked in a place I wouldn’t usually look and I’m loving what I found(my nigga, my nigga). OUT WITH THE OLD.

Friendships. I’ve built and strengthened some relationships with people and well, with others they as good as that disgusting gum you flicked off your shoe with a stick the other day. Yes it’s like that. See I’ve decided I shouldn’t bother myself with certain individuals. Enough said!
REVAMPED!!!

Career. Decided to turn in my white collar job for my passions. I’m getting my degree in fashion design. See not many use their talents to their advantage nor do they realize what their God given gift is. Many think I’m crazy for pursuing this but my heart says go for it. I’ve been too afraid for too long to pursue my hearts desires. I’m not getting any younger and if I don’t get into it now then when? If I keep worrying about what people think how will I ever succeed? I don’t care what people have to say anymore because all that talk just held me back and left me with regrets. Now its time for a new Malama. Well, maybe new to the world but its time the me I buried got reintroduced to the world. Its time to face fears head on and achieve the success I’m destined for. So, you and your negativity can subtract yourself cause Malama aint got time for you.

Hello I’d like to reintroduce myself. My name is Malama Monde Mukonde and I am REVAMPED

#IAmAZedBlogger

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BLACK HISTORY MONTH: The Shades of Black

Black History Month, is an annual observance in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom for remembrance of important people and events in the history of the African diaspora. It is celebrated annually in the United States and Canada in February and the United Kingdom in October.(Wiki info) africa we need to get with the program.

Amazing how much segregation we, black people have continued to endure within our own race. We have our light skinned negros(mixed race-black)who have convinced themselves that they are not black but “coloured”. Even after centuries of slavery and being tied down to derogatory we’ve decided not to free ourselves.
Coloured referring to skin colour was first recorded in the early 17th century and was adopted in the US by emancipated slaves as a term of racial pride after the end of the American Civil War. In Britain it was the accepted term until the 1960s, when it was superseded (as in the US) by black. The term coloured lost favour among black people during this period and is now widely regarded as offensive except in historical contexts. In South Africa and many other African countries, the term coloured (also written Coloured) has a different history. It is used to refer to people of mixed-race parentage rather than, as elsewhere, to refer to African peoples and their descendants (i.e. as a synonym for black). Under apartheid it was imposed as an official racial designation. However, in modern use the term is not generally considered offensive or derogatory. So basically “coloured” is anyone who isn’t white! So why are we still holding on to this term?

Why are we still embracing this term “coloured”. The funny thing is our light skinned brothers and sisters will look at Alicia keys, Paula Patton, Boris Kodjoe, Drake etc(these are people of black and white descent) and call them black but will NEVER call themselves black. LOL. Do you see how stupid this really is? Forming teams like #teamLightskin, #teamDarkskin And we wonder why we have no unity amongst ourselves as black people. Embrace your BLACK. We wonder why we cannot support each other even in business. We are not united as one race. This tug of war within our race is an insult to those whose fought for our race. Martin Luther King, Carter G Woodson, Black Panther Party, ANC etc…Slaves to our self inflicted racism.

When will we accept who we are and prey on wanting to be anything but black? When will women embrace their black and not bleach their skin? When will we bring down the barriers between light skin or dark?

Morgan Freeman does not see the need for Black History Month he says “Black history is american history” but for as long as there is segregation in our race the cry to celebrate and embrace who we are will always be there.

I am BLACK, AFRICAN and PROUD!!

I’ve joined the #ImAZedBlogger family and that’s what makes me new new zed blogger. Honestly, I’ve read through a lot of pieces and followed those I like and while its easier to follow those on wordpress, I’m still getting round to those signed to other blog sites. So the 2nd part of my task is done en dusted now execute my 1st.

Here we go. I must admit I’m excited to see what challenges will unfold as the year goes by. I’m glad to be part of this #ImAZB(«ImAZB, no? Okay! Moving on-LOL). The idea of reading different views on a particular subject sparks a curiosity in me in regard to human intellect and I feel blogs will let you know just how crazy a person is if you read close enough.

#ImAZedBlogger still finding my way around my wit and my bad grammar(you not an/a english teacher[teacher of english]so spare me your blatantly). So go easy on me as I take this blogging journey.

Bring on the challenge:)

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The Devil Wears a Tux

There he stands tall(sorry short guys…but the tall ones always win and its my blog!), well sculpted like a greek God chiselled out of marbel, generous, charming and boyishly handsome. Oh my knees and the way he looks in that tux, Jesus catch me. This guy is simply a double dose of everything your man isn’t.

There comes a time in a relationship when your other half isn’t just cutting it, financially, emotionally or mentally lol let’s add sexually and physically(No they not the same thing!). When you get into this space the man in your life seems annoying, irritating and argh you just want to stab him(ok that’s a bit much)scratch that! You just want to strangle him. Which is pretty much normal in every relationship, that’s how side-chicks were born(but let’s be honest men are selfish and will have side-chick for no reason).

So anyway, here comes Michael. He is the perfect “friend” he adds up where the better half(Andy)is lacking and let’s remember he is very generous and will do/buy just about anything to make you happy. So, Andy can’t take you places or buy you something you want/need nor does he want to talk about his financial situations cause he feels you won’t understand and your requests seem like you “nagging”… You pick up the phone and call/text/whatsapp/bbm Michael to complain cause you feeling ignored by your boo boo and he isn’t taking you anywhere no more feels like he doesn’t want to “spend time” with you anymore. See all this whining to Michael only gives him enough amo to mess up your entire relationship. He now KNOWS exactly what YOU WANT to for fill YOUR NEED to FEEL SPECIAL. Michael will take you to Chicagos, Times, Fresh View, Hungry Lion, buy you brazilian hair(note! You didn’t ask you mentioned it in conversation-dumbass), shoes, clothes etc.

Now all this starts to seem like he is doing everything right when really he isn’t! Michael will go above and beyond just to drop your panties and part you like Moses parted the sea. Stupid you gives in and CHEATS on hard working Andy. Now Michael isn’t paying you that much attention anymore and all of a sudden, he has a “girlfriend”, he doesn’t have time to talk or visit. The devil wears a tux.

Where does that leave you? Feeling guilty, used and degraded by your own selfishness. Stuck between coming clean or living with the fact that your now a cheater… See a man with the right kind of amo is a very dangerous man. He will deceive and ruin what is good in your life. Foolishly blinded by the devil in a tux.

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Our Lightening Creams and The Government

So some lightening creams have gone “missing” from the University Teaching Hospital (UTH). when I first heard this I laughed so damn hard. It doesn’t even make sense as to why the government feel they need to destroy lightening creams. Its our hard earned money that buys these products and how much do they make from duty? They must be making a killing from these Former Black Individuals(FBIs)cause they are on the rise. They taking over:)

If I decide to bleach my skin, please let me be. Ones bleaching doesn’t take away their ability to think and strive for what’s important in life. I think the govts determination to expunge these products off the Zambian market is a waste of resources. Now those products have been stolen and guess what?! They back on the streets and what’s even more funny is the thieves don’t have to pay duty or order them from Mr Patel’s shop in kamwala*laughs at the govt*

You know, you’d think the govt has bigger issues to deal with like lowering taxes, finding a cheaper fuel source, reducing illiteracy, going green, fighting corruption, making Zambia a much more affordable country for it’s people etc…The wo/men who lighten their skin know the consequences, they know it could lead to cancer. Skin lightening producers are in a multi-billion dollar industry. In 2012 sales of skin lightening creams in India alone totalled 258 tons and the global market for skin lighteners is projected to reach US $19.8 billion by 2018 based on sales growth primarily in Asia, Africa and the Middle East. This is not something they(our govt)can stop but control by banning products with hydroquinone (Hydroquinone is a strong inhibitor of melanin production, meaning that it prevents dark skin from making the substance responsible for skin colour).

The purchasing of these products and usage is a CHOICE and the people who use them have different reasons. Some use them to even their skin, others brightening and for some it’s society and world over that’s made them believe that the brighter your skin the more beautiful you are. If our very own black mixed race(coloureds)can use these products what would stop one of darker skin?

My final say is this is bigger than what the govt thinks it is. Skin lightening is more than just a choice its a sense of belonging and acceptance in society by the shade of ones skin tone.

PS: Some lightening methods(pills and injections) may cause long term effects like infertility. You must be careful and ensure you do research. Google the ingredients on the creams and see what they really do. Oh and if you bleach make sure you drink lots of water.

Don’t forget your umbrellas….lol

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I’m Lost Intranslation

Been feeling scattered. My emotions have just been all over the place wondering if I should just go for it or just sit back and let things be. Listening to songs that make me want to do all sort of things to a niggah but I strongly wonder if that’s what I really want to do. The urge to look into those deep brown eyes and say what’s on my mind, unbutton that shirt, sink my nails into your back, kiss your lips and smile cos it feels so right. To want to whisper “I Like You” as I reach my peak.

When I look at you I see a very driven, ambitious man who is well focused on what he wants for his future. I see a strong, God fearing, family oriented traditional man and even though you can be self-centred, incredibly stubborn, stupid and annoying you something special. People say a lot about of negative things but I’m glad I look passed all that talk and see you for who you are. Even after you’ve hurt me on several occasions I don’t know why I can’t seem to shake you off. I keep asking myself if its time to let you go or bring myself to be honest with you and myself. See its that uncertainty that has me lost in translation. So afraid of the unknown it makes me sick to the pit of stomach, sometimes the feeling is so unclear cos I don’t know if its just butterflies.

I wonder if you miss me, if you think about me and despite my lil mistake do I still hold that number 1 position? I miss you randomly coming to my house for no reason, I miss the way you look at me. Miss seeing my skin against yours*giggles*It truly is the lil things. Was what I did so bad we can’t look passed it? After everything and the bond we share/shared am I really not worth your forgiveness? These last few weeks have made me wonder and got me thinking about a lot. Even though I’m still trying to translate everything one thing is clear I MISS YOU…and I’m deeply sorry

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Flaws In Me

There a few people I’ve hurt and I’m yet to hurt one more person. I know I will, I knew from the very beginning being a coward again don’t know how I will cut them loose but I know have too.

Anyway, I know I have been a good friend to a lot of people and even when they’ve hurt me on several occasions I’ve kept quiet and bottled it all up inside. Like a ticking time bomb at some it has to go off and so did I. I must admit I went about things wrongly but I’m only human. I have my flaws.

I do try very hard to be there for my friends, especially the ones I have love for. I don’t always react and go off on people its not my character. I’m that person who will apologise even when someone is wrong just to have peace. I hate confrontations because people tend to have their walls up and want deal with situations like you attacking them when really you just trying to get to the bottom of something.

I understand I am not perfect and will do things to hurt my friends(not on purpose), sometimes the urge to seek revenge gets so strong because the devils voice can be so loud at times. The thought of hurting the ones who make me hurt so much my soul sheds tears seems so euphoric. Demons making the dark path seem so sweet it almost seems right and the Angels, battling it out showing me that its not worth it. Pointing fingers at the ones who have hurt me continuously, holding grudges and exploding after a few drinks doesn’t make me any better than they are, venting on my blogs without addressing the problem directly.

Looking deeper within myself and thinking its time to take the crown and stand strong, not allowing the darkness of emotions to take over my judgement. Placing myself in a position to sip from the cup of courage without being afraid of the outcome. All my demons do is hold me back installing fear blinding me from what’s true! I shouldn’t be afraid to lose someone, if that person values me as much I value them, then they will stay no matter what obstacles come our way.

True friendships are forever doesn’t matter how much the hurt, if the pros out weigh the cons then its only a matter of time. Facing our own flaws makes us better people.

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The Men In Uniform and Us

I wonder if the men in uniform are purposely pig-headed, rude and arrogant. Is this the criteria which the government uses to hire these people? Yes not all are bad but most, I’d say about 80% of them are just horrible. The police, C5 etc are suppose to protect civilians against the villains of  this universe. The Police are afraid of thieves so calling them to come to your rescue is pointless, besides by the time they come…*smh*.  Then we have our C5, Esh these people just don’t care and are very careless with how they hunt down villains/criminals. They say a child will do as the parent does. So I guess the bad eggs in the force are a reflection of those at the top maybe*lol* I’m just saying..

Anyway, I know a lady who’s husband owns a radio station(i will NOT Mention names for obvious reasons). Now this lady,Mrs X was hit into by a police officer. The officer did dent her car, there was some fracas and may I add at this time she was heavily pregnant. So the pampas ZP officer refused to pay for damages, she went to a police station to report the matter and to her surprise the officers there said they could carry out the complaint because he is a ” big boss”. Now what is a big boss? This is a man who
1) violated traffic rules and caused an accident and
2) threatened to slap her even in her pregnant state!
This baffled me, this is an officer who clearly thinks and feels he is above the law. How can a police officer fail to book another police officer due to ranking! Isn’t a crime a crime regardless of who committs it? The law clearly states that a NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW but clearly that’s not the case. This fool of an officer didn’t even know that she was a wife to someone in the media. I really wish they set him up so he could face the wrath of the law. So anyway they did try to chase the matter but nothing was done, that’s how the case died. Disappeared off the radar like nothing happened. So we can only imagine how many cases similar to this one are out there am sure there must be even bigger cases.

I remember the time C5 put innocent civilians lives at risk when they had a gunfire exchange with some criminal at Manda Hill. What if a stray bullet had it an innocent person or a child? What mediocre story would they have come up with to cover up their mistake? Would they have owned up and made sure the careless officer behind the gun is brought to face the law? Do they really have game plans before they execute their man hunts?

It’s sad that we let these bad, corrupt cops get away with so much. If you can record a bad cop in action record the crime(make sure you not in the video-lol) or you could report the men in uniform to the Public Relations Office, Ministry of Home Affairs on 097-7-153-252. Dont be afraid to bring these people down. Its up to us to make sure we get the services we deserve.

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How Far Is Too Far?

Relationships are not always easy. Your partner will test your patience, tolerance and strength. Sometimes our foolish partners will test us deliberately just to see how we would react. Which to some extent is ok as long as you don’t push it. Why? Well if you watch snapped on Investigation Discovery you will know why pushing buttons should be done with caution*whispers-too many psychopaths outchea*. We only test our partners to understand them a little more. From their reaction you get to know just how far is too far. 

The sad thing about being tested is some just don’t know when enough is enough. You laugh a Lil and they think it’s okay, but they don’t realise that in your mind you probably saying “this motherfuh……you lucky it’s a joke*kmt*you better not be thinking of doing it cos I promise you boo boo….” 

So just how far is too far? Well your partner obviously has certain body gestures that should let you know when your going too far. For example my ex’s vain on his forehead would pop out*lol*thats how I used to know that I was going to far or he was really mad and because he was light skinned his nose would turn red*lmao* See because I paid attention I knew where to draw the line. As for me, I’m not sure what gestures I give out but one thing I know I do is I go really quiet*lol*no I’m not planning an assination, I’m just reflecting. I’ve been so annoyed once I didn’t know what to do, that I ended up not doing anything*lol* You pushed so far that you can’t even react. You feel so, so damn powerless and lost for words. I’ve heard stories from friends who gave been stabbed, burnt with pressing irons, strangled etc…I had a knife placed in my hand one time and was told to cut this guy because that’s how much he “loved me”*lmao psycho much* smh…

So before you end up in a plastic bag somewhere know where to draw the line you just might end up as a statistic. Anyone can lose it and have no control over their actions. People just black out and can’t remember afterwards. That’s horrible. Be wise, smart and cautious with how you deal with people not just your partner. 

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To The Cheating Husband!!!…

With every day that passes cheating is slowly becoming a custom in Zambia. Such a normal custom that it doesn’t even shock people when they hear so-and-so is cheating on his/her better half.

Now I recently learned that one of lusaka’s MARRIED socials has engaged in a SIDE-relationship with one of lusaka’s young socials. For the longest time we’ve known that this gentleman has had his side-pieces but has always kept them on the down-low(DL). It comes with great surprise to us who know him to see him roaming chicagos, 101, hollywood, funerals etc.. with this PYT(pretty young thing). We’ve seen her drive his car, which I think is pretty much “normal” in the cheating circles, BUT she has also been seen driving his wife’s car! WTF(what the f*ck!) Is right! Imagine that, your husbands girlfriend driving YOUR car…Lol. Now, this is all levels of disrespect because it allows this bandit to disrespect you directly. He has now erased that line between “wife” and “bandit”. This girl probably thinks he is more of her man than he is her husband! Damn, I’d probably think that too.

How bad does the marriage have to be to get to that state? How do you cross that line and forget that the woman you made your promise too is the one who will hold you down when all goes under! The bandit is enjoying the money, cars and all the extras but when things go sour will she still be there? Questions men never ask themselves.

And these bandits though! Can’t really blame them they are really cleaning up with their peruvian hair and Giuseppe Zanotti shoes. Life is expensive and your husband is ready to foot the bill, how can she say NO! And if they actually converse about day-to-day stuff then you have a problem because that relationship isn’t only sexual or monetary anymore they have a bond.

The sad thing about all this is one day these bandits, IF they lucky will have husbands too someday(LOL) who will do the exact same thing to them and maybe even worse. He could bring home four kids from four women and then what? Who will you blame when karma kisses you sooo passionately?
To the cheating man is the side relationship really worth it? Is your marriage and your honour to your wife, yourself really that shallow? Have you no shame? You have no proper home training!*mxxcm* Your actions leave people losing respect for you as a man and a husband.

At the end of the day you cheating is your business ya! BUT remember to ALWAYS use a condom because the person you cheating with knows you “committed” so they too will have their own concubines. You thinking you the only one they sleeping with is just retarded cos they not the only one your sleeping with! DISGUSTING!!!!

Personally I think sharing body parts with someone other than your partner is gross… Swapping DNA *dies* awww lawd I cannot continue!

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Healthy Sex Tips For Her…..

When it comes to sexual health, a lot of us especially women are confused about what’s right and what’s not. There is so much knowledge about birth control, but when it comes to sexual do’s and don’ts, a lot of us don’t voice our doubts. Here are a few sexual do’s and don’ts that will help you maintain your sexual health.

Lay down the rubber-
To protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections, “It’s best to use a condom – the barrier method,” it is obviously the safest way to protect your self against sexually transmitted diseases or infection including HPV and HIV. HPV or Human Papilloma Virus usually in women. Your partner will only be a carrier of the virus. So, be doubly careful if you are in an open relationship. Secondly, find a condom brand that works for you. Not all brands are vagina friendly, some could cause an irritation and an itchy, burning sensation. This simply means your allergic to that specific brand. Its time to change.

Drink lots of water-
Urinary tract infection(UTI) is another common problem that affects women especially, when they start getting sexually active. Also known as honeymoon cystitis. This happens because the vagina is so close to the bladder and tends to get irritated during intercourse. It is also a good idea to wash your privates after a session of  nooky activities*chuckles*to prevent any external inflammation or infection. So ladies drink lots of water and pure cranberry juice. Get some cranberry tablets from your pharmacy(Link). If you can’t have a quick wash, MAKE SURE you dry the area thoroughly with tissue.

During Sex-
1. In as much as you are in a bliss be sure to be aware of what’s going on and don’t be afraid to put your foot down. If your going to allow him to stick his fingers in your vagina or anus, ensure his nails are SHORT and CLEAN. Long, dirty nails could cut you and cause infections.

2. If your going to be adventurous and try anal pleasure be sure to have LOTS of lubrication. Try water based lubs or silicone based lubs NEVER oil based like baby oil because oil tends to carry dirt and doesn’t wash off properly. Should this oil end up in your vagina, you will have problems.
ii) NO fingers or penis that has been in the anus should make its way back into the vagina without being disinfected. A thorough wipe down with a warm cloth is a MUST!!!
iii) IF your going to use toys make sure they are CLEAN and well lubricated to avoid injury.
iv) After sexual intercourse PLEASE wash your vagina from front to back and dry it from front to back to avoid any infections.

Hope these tips help you have a healthier sex life.

DISCLAIMER: all is simple and straight forward failure to follow these tips will result to infections DON’T say I didn’t warn you!

Happy sexin….xxx

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Empty Male Tales…

About 3weeks ago(or less)we(my girlies and I) had a group chat on what’s app. Anyway we were just talking about the usual “Male Species”. This was a conversation we could all relate to, even though some of the girls are married or engaged but at some point in their lives they heard the usual male tales(I’m sure some of you are drowning in them).

“You the number 1 lady”,”Don’t listen to them”,” They not on your level”,”It’s only you, I PROMISE”,”You have nothing to worry about” etc…man the list is endless ladies we’ve heard it all. Words that are soooo nice to hear and almost so reassuring, they leave you comforted*chuckles-smh*Though, when words start to become meaningless because words are just words, and we start to crave for actions to cement what he says*smh*is when the problems start to arise. We get suspicious, insecure*LOL*you even start to question and answer your own questions*smh-argh! le male species*

What do we really have to do? We can’t demand for him to step up, because then we would be “nagging” BUT! It’s in situations like these when Steve Harvey’s words start to make sense. This is when you “REQUIRE” him to cement things whether its a relationship, an engagement or a marriage. You put your foot down and get your clarity or walk out because the honest truth is you really can’t wait for him. If he really can’t do without you*like he says* then let him show you, let him show just how much he NEEDS you in his life because honey YOUR love is too sanctified to have uncertainties.

If you can relate to this and you know the relationship isn’t growing, its not going anywhere then its time to walk away! Remember you are beautiful, smart and there’s a man who deserves you more because he TRULY can’t be without you.

P.S: Remind yourself of how great your love by saying; “MY LOVE IS………….(«Insert word here)”

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Single and Multiple Partners…

9 days ago I received this BC(broadcast) on BBM. Survey: please help!!! What would hurt you more, your significant other cheats on you repeatedly with the same person or they cheat on you repeatedly but with different partners???

My response was “with the same person”. Why? Because its simple and straight forward. My boyfriend/husband/partner has a deep connection with this particular person. He is sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally and probably spiritually connected to her. This does NOT sit well with me because he is supposed to be all of that with me NOBODY else. Tell me what it is you want and I’ll do my best to satisfy your want. Let’s be happy and content with each other.

I asked the BC sender what peoples responses were. She said, and I quote “MOST girls cared about the 1 girl, guys multiple”. I laughed and thought to myself how STUPID and so typical of guys. If your partner(fe/male)cheats on you with multiples, it is obvious that they don’t care about that random person! Its just sex. I wondered why guys thought multiple and I came to this conclusion, you(men) can’t deal with your woman sleeping with multiple men because it would mean your penis(which you praise so damn much)does not satisfy her, this is a big blow to your “manhood” and “ego”. But all round men are selfish so either way he wouldn’t deal. Ladies see why I usually refer to men as “species”, they just so different. We puzzled about the bond with that one girl he keeps sleeping with, they worried about their bruised egos. As for the ladies with multiples, if its not about the money I really don’t know what would make you sleep with so many men!(Smh) Sex can’t be that fun*chuckles*

In my opinion whether its with multiples or just that one person, you shouldn’t have to cheat. If you have a high sex drive let your partner know what’s going on and find a way of working it out. Introduce costumes, have them dress up and play characters today a RTSA officer, tomorrow a bandit(LOL)and you will have your multiples. Those of you cheating with that one person, whatever that one person is doing I’m pretty sure your partner can do too. Just talk it out meet each other half way.

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The Foolishly Blinded Man

The dating game will always have its rollercoaster moments especially when it comes to the pursuit. Now its clear that the male species are the ones who make the “1st move”, “the approach” but then there’s those gutsy women(you know yourselves- Hi5!!!) bold women who will make their passes in their own pursuit of happiness.

So here you are you hopefully handsome, tall, dark/light, beautifully built man, intelligent, funny and an all round nice average guy. You have your fair share of the “female attention” and automatically one or three women seem like they could be great girlfriends but the honest truth is out of those three only one of them will like you back enough to always have your back and be there for you(and you know this)! Though that’s the one you take for granted*smh* then the other two aren’t so interested in you and the one you feel you want the most is probably taking you for a ride.
She knows just how to toy with your emotions meanwhile on the other hand she has her heart set out on a nigga treating her, like you treat lil miss loyal! Like a “by the way” cos she’s always there for you….mmm oho okay!
Foolishly blinded by what you “WANT” you think she’s just fronting and the chase just got more interesting. She may like you but believe me its not enough to fulfill your “NEEDS” to build you as man in a relationship or as individual.

Many of you(males) tend to chase the 1s less interested, get heartbroken and then walk around and say asinine things like “women are evil”, “women are heartless”, “all women are just whores” yes SOME women are evil but booo hooo stop whining its what you foolishly wanted! Then you want to crawl to miss loyal and hope she takes you…smh.. Look at you now!

We all get to be blinded by our wants over our needs and sometimes fear stops us from pursing the important things. We all get hurt at some point in our lives, some more than others.*hehehehe* So, anyway male species of planet earth if you know a great girl who’s ready to hold you down STOP being so foolish and blind! Take a chance and explore it could be the greatest relationship of your life…

DISCLAIMER: I’ve tried to be brief and save you from devious women so if you still going after miss thang in pursuit of your “want” I wish you a painful heartbreak:) lol #NoTakeBacks

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RANDOM: I’m Just Saying….

*chuckles* man I’ve been wondering how to start this piece but whatever I’ll just get into it. This is a RANDOM rushed piece.

Certain dress codes have left me wondering where these fire drills(false alarms aka bandits) get the confidence to wear the tiny clothes they do. I really do wonder. Question bandits, do yo’ll take shots of tequila while you get dressed and have that drunken confidence? Cause I know the struggle is real but come on now you can’t be that desperate for some male attention, a few drinks and a pocket full ngwees. Don’t be mad I’m just saying…

The dresses are so short you can’t bend or hi5 somebody, shorts sitting right under your bum, ass sticking out like dogs peeping through gate spaces…lol… smh lingère for tops maaaan these broads are taking street party to another level(every sunday at hollywood city from 6pm to the weee hours- shout out to the resident DJs yo’ll play hard). I won’t even lie some outfits are soooo crazy you can’t wait to see what next sunday has to offer and summer is coming whoop whoop, let the nudity begin*yay*

I have nothing against what one chooses to wear my diploma in fashion design is proof but just understand you can’t dress like a bandit and expect not to be called a bandit some of you so delusional hoping to find a guy to call you everyday, love you and bring you roses ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN he is not a learner!!! When he sees you dressed like that all he sees is SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX…and while some of you bad bads just couldn’t care cause that’s your hustle I hope you carry condoms with you. I’m just saying.

I wish there could be a few guys come dressed like they just walked off the set of Magic Mike…6packs, 8packs, toned arms, V-lines gosh man give us something fellas…. Man let me buy you a drink, feel on your packs and take you home(I just hope you have enough cab fare for the morning lol)-stop judging me I’m just saying…hmmm male bandits, mandits or mand mands(no mand mands mmm Malama epic fail – ah it was just a thought hehehe)

I think taking someone home based on their little to nothing clothing is retarded but then again we will never under the war between a man and his two heads. I’m just saying.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel free to wear what you want! I’m just saying be careful ladies there psychotic rapists out there and your dress code could provoke the wrong intention.
P.S my mandits please come to the street paaaariii showing your V-lines and 6packs I’ll be on the look out to buy you a drink and fill your pockets with some ngwees;) lmao….

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Condoms and Relationships

Condoms and Relationships this is something that came to my attention during a conversation with a friend of mine.
See I realised that many of us stop using condoms after a very short grace period of being together. Let me paint a picture for you… Its January you meet up, six months of dates, phone calls and bbms he decides its time to take things further and make things “official” so now three months into your “relationship” you decide its time to stop using condoms(for those who are sexually active). Some of you don’t even discuss these things it “just happens”…

How do you get to trust someone so much, I mean just because you’ve known them for years or months does that mean its enough? Cause the honest truth is it doesn’t matter how much they tell you they won’t always tell you everything.

Some of you are dating people who were cheated on, others reformed players, bandits with mileage for days(lol or they might still be in the game…more mileage) so you just dating but still think its ok they must be “SAFE” ah wena how do you know this for sure? For others you know the dodgy female/male they were with but you still don’t guard your life enough to protect it. Would it be so wrong to say “babe let’s not stop using condoms till we get tested TOGETHER” You shouldn’t be afraid to go and if your partner is then wooops there it is!

Be selfish enough to love your life so much to acknowledge that CONDOMS are your friends. They even come in different flavours, colours some are spotted or ribbed and sizes(eg MAGNUMS so fellas its not that its uncomfortable it might be too small) oh and they even come themed(lol)how much fun is that! Lol be creative enough to make it fun to use condoms it shouldn’t feel like a burden…

Be safe! Protect your life! Protect your future! If you way passed condoms then PLEASE be wise enough to use condoms when you cheat on your partner.

DISCLAIMER: man no disclaimer just a reminder CONDOMS ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!!

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Letter to My Best Friend

Dear Best friend,
I ask myself if I should let go of something so real, You gave me a feeling that was unreal breaking my heart and now I ask if its ever going to heal! Or are you gonna be the one who heals it?

I see you got a few bad bads its something I don’t understand cos you always talking about how you want to be with someone true. See I appreciate your honesty but I just can’t accept that you don’t want me I’m always there and continue to, through the good and bad, my best friend!

I wish I was the one with you I see all these bad bads you talking too over drinks and cigarettes but the moment you step out of sight they already grabbing on someone else’s collar, flicking their brazilian and flapping their fake eye lashes. I’m in love with my best friend, I’m in love with you and I don’t even know how to tell you. Seeing all your shenanigans kills me, so maybe just maybe I should write you a letter.
I have to keep it real and tell you how I feel cause I really don’t want to lose you forever, I’m not ready to lose you.

You always say you have no luck with love, haunted by bandits and their immorals you always putting above most, that friday night red-light sex release.
I can tell you want it but you wish it were more than friday night sex, we can tell it’s causing harm to our friendship, our relationship yet we ignore it cause we can’t be without each other.
We may joke around and calls these bandits fire-drills because all these bad bads are false alarms till you ready for us. You can feel it’s coming and you know how much I wanna be with you but even more than just wanting us, I’m here waiting on you. I know what you going through, I see it!
And please know that I mean best
I see all the crazy things you do and it only leaves me wondering, wondering why you keep dealing with such shitty girls?
Ironic…
You’re shit on by bandits who just ain’t sh*t!!
Then you always hit my phone, silently I’m screaming with pain so deep I’m offering a love that isn’t basic, but loyal so come on boo, face it
It’s you and I!!!
We so close, we can taste it even when the tension is high…
That’s my love that you give away!
As long as I don’t hear you say Malama we can’t be friends, I’m good but I won’t wait on you forever.

*****Broken hearted.

DISCLAIMER: this is NOT about anyone so lusaka gossipers anonymous PLEASE take a seat!!!… Simply inspired piece by @JOSH_K_ “Best friend” beautiful song that made me emotional lol…damn!

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“THREE LESSONS”

I was thinking to myself the other day about my private life and the guys I’ve rubbed shoulders with. Some have left scars others small dents some have opened my eyes to what’s really important. Guys you left me a lil confused but I learned a lot though:) The confusion left me feeling like I was unlucky with relationships till I started to admit certain truths about the “relationship” at hand.

Let’s start with Lewa. He just got out of a relationship blinded by my own foolish thoughts of a “relationship” I didn’t realise he was just sport fishing looking for someone to distract his pain. The stupid thing is I knew this and ignored it! I wasn’t what he needed but I wished I was. When he ended things I learnt something important LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO NEVER LIE TO YOURSELF. Sometimes we know and choose to ignore ladies/gents this self inflicted pain isn’t worth the heartache!

Then there was Mr Butler. He was older than I. We shared a lot, he was good to me and we were good for a while but came to a point where I started to feel suffocated. The relationship stopped being what I needed, to a point where I saw myself adopting tendencies that weren’t healthy for a relationship, lies and disrespect(lol no! not cheating) So anyway I ended things wrongly and in a very cowardly way I must admit (over the phone-was afraid I’d change my mind:))but from that I learnt that one should LOVE THEMSELVES ENOUGH TO BE SELFISH ENOUGH TO LEAVE IF THEY UNHAPPY the worst thing you could do to yourself is sacrifice your own happiness for the other you will only do more damage than good.

My 3rd lesson Timmy Turner(I know that’s a cartoon character name, but its my blog lol so….) I took things slow didn’t rush into anything tried to do things by the book but even though he was patient and willing…lol I don’t know what happened maybe I was being too slow…maybe things didn’t go as he planned*LMAO* at some point I really did try but there’s only so much effort 1 can put in man! From him I learnt IF ITS DONE THEN ITS just that DONE there really is no point of forcing anything especially when a commitment hasn’t been made!

Now I have my best friend and I’m happy.

DISCLAIMER: names used aren’t their original names lol wouldn’t want to be accused of tarnishing their “market”

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Little Girl Please Stay In Your Lane

It saddens me to see you in your tight lil clothes shying away from your innocence hiding behind the misguided traditions of today’s world, lil girl what you trying to prove?

Stuffing your training bra with tissues hoping an ill mannered little boy who’s still trying to understand why his penis rises to the morning sun notices you! Or that college boy who keeps deceiving with his sweet empty whispers to get to your un-plucked cherry! Or that married guy who’s hoping you’ll bring out the youth in him!

Darling there’s a difference between pacifiers and penis’ you so young deceived by the materials and lies of the world with the evil that lingers on its lips, little girl please stay in you lane!

Deceived by beyonce and her thick thighs, blonde hair n mini skirts mislead to thinking that the more you show the sexier you are! Little girl Princess Diana never showed her thighs but showed her personality, intelligence, humanity which enhanced her beauty!

Betrayed by all these female figures sent down a path of sex, drugs and alcohol! Whatever happened to the strong beautiful women who proved that you don’t need mini skirts and blonde hair to be beautiful or attractive? What happened to being smart? Little girl take a stand set your own trend.

Look up to women who have shown that having your back pinned to a bed isn’t the only way to get BMWs, jewels, money, clothes and all the nice things. Preserve your innocence little girl and stay in your lane.

DISCLAIMER if you a little girl tryna do GROWN WOMAN things STOP! If some of this doesn’t make you think then whatever man its your vagina do as you must I will NOT be held liable for unfortunate outcome I did try to help.

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WHAT IS IT FELLAS???

On so many occasions I’ve heard guys say “I want a LOYAL woman” or “there aren’t any ‘loyal’ women anymore” like hold up!!! Yes the number of bandits is on the rise but how you going to sit there and say something so asinine yet you too busy dropping girls panties!(If at all they wear any-lol).. Am sure SOME bandits don’t wanna be that way and yes in your defence some broad broke your heart, bleh bleh but you can’t even remember who you slept with 3weeks ago! So with such an attitude do you honestly expect to find ‘loyalty’ with these bandits you always end up under? Or behind lol whatever floats your boat. You forget that the ‘loyal’ ones have eyes too…we see you and your shenanigans you aint slick man!

So what is it? There she is, she has no bandit tendencies(materialistic, thirsty for every D etc..), she’s always there for you(she could catch a grenade for you), she’s the 1st person you want to talk to when something good or bad happens she isn’t perfect she has her flaws but so do you!! FYI fellas being addicted to bandits isn’t a flaw its a lifestyle. She’s ready to be there for you through thick n thin..So again WHAT IS IT!!!

You’ve found your ‘loyalty’ so why won’t you step up and engage in something meaningful. I get it, with bandits you don’t have to step up and put in any effort? A six pack of Hunters Gold, two shots of tequila and throw in a cocktail she can’t even spell for good measure in Chicagos seals the deal and off you go back to your place or lodge somewhere in lusaka *chuckles* [lol wait Spiro should give me a bottle of moet I mention chicagos A LOT]*chuckles*

Guys like honestly though what’s the worst thing that could happen if you stepped up?.. Be the man she sees you to be and handle your business before you lose her. With relationships you have to take a chance and hope for the best. Don’t you get tired of the emotionless sex, the empty conversations… I swear some of you just go on like you like being mistreated and used, its almost like to you its easier cos you know what to expect! Don’t you wanna wake up next to someone and know you don’t have anything to worry about? Your soldier is right there next to you.. Relationships aren’t easy but if you willing to make it work what could bring it down? Stop being so damn stupid and open your eyes.

DISCLAIMER- Well I don’t discriminate against bandits but AIDS is real though so fellas if you going to mess around with bandits remember condoms aren’t 100% safe. Don’t say I didn’t remind you.

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LOVES MISTAKEN IDENTITY

A few months ago GBM came out and said beating his wife is a sign of “love”… Mmmm this is not the 1st time he has laid his hands on his wife. What puzzles me the most is the way he justifies his actions, his beating her is a sign of love. Now just imagine if God used to beat us because he loves us!!! *Smh* I wonder how many idiotic men hide behind this and justify their actions this way.

I’ve seen women get battered and mistreated by the men they love and their reason to stay is always the same; “I love him”[ya well the love seems painful], “can’t leave cos of the children”[you hurt them more by staying], “you don’t understand”[of cos we don’t you look at your face ma], “it was my fault”[how? For asking him why he has lipstick on his collar],”what will people think” [eh who are people? Do they feed you!] Esh man you sit there and listen to all these excuses of fear and really just can’t believe how mediocre and ridiculous they are. Its just sad to see that some women actually start to believe that being mistreated is his way of showing affection cos right after abusing her verbally, mentally and physically he gives her his credit card, sends her on shopping sprees to game stores, ndanji, S.A etc… Should this be what love is all about? If so, then I want non of it.

Usually abusive men pick up these traits from their fathers or father figures and for us females well its simple, it is said we go for the guys who are a reflection of our fathers or father figures (not looks of cos ewww I mean character!..lol) Well I always ask my friends to be strong leaders and role models in their children’s lives. No parent wants to see their child end up with an abusive man, no parent wants their child to be that coward who lays his hand on women.
Always tell your sister, nieces, daughters and aunts their beautiful, intelligent, strong females so they don’t have to settle for mediocre relationships. Those words hold more power than you can imagine.

If you trying to find your way out sometimes its just as easy as packing a bag while he is away and leaving…and for you whose just his “girlfriend” NO marriage but you still with him, beaten! Why? The sex can’t be that good honey… So many women end up dead, some missing and the ones who survive are those who say enough is enough!! Which one are you?

DISCLAIMER- lol I don’t even know what to put down…its too deep a subject…

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THE GAME CHANGER VS THE TROPHY GIRL

Allow me to define the following;
GAME CHANGER: a female who will NOT settle for a mediocre relationship.
TROPHY GIRL: a PYT (pretty young thing) who is only good for busting a nut on a horny day and is a show off piece to his buddies.

Now that we got that out of the way….

So Ladies I like many of you has had her ups and downs in the dating world and coming to terms with trying to understand “LE MALE SPECIES” which quite frankly is a strain on your brain cells. Many times we repeat the same mistakes and ask ourselves why we keep finding the same sorry excuses for men and when we do find a good one he just isn’t all there SOMEtimes. Well lemmie break down a few things and see what we come up with..

•A MAN ALWAYS WANTS SOMETHING
First things first! He sees you, likes what he sees and maybe you notice him noticing you and you MIGHT like what you see too… So he approaches you NOW remember he wants something![(a)he wants to have sex with you (b)if you are how much will he have to invest to sleep with you!] For example you sitting at the table in chicagos on a friday night with your girls having a sexy time now since he liked what he saw he’s coming over to get it. Best believe he isn’t interested in your personality, friends,what you do for a living or if Jesus has your heart! At this point he wants to GET IT.
At this point he’s talking to you so he knows just how much he has to “INVEST” to GET what he WANTS. By invest I don’t mean money I simply mean time and effort. This is where you lay down your requirements, values(my GAME CHANGERS know what I’m talking about)… NO values, requirements just means you FREE GAME. This means that you in bandit lane he will get and not call you, HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED and his out!.. Let him know upfront what you REQUIRE of him and you automatically change the game. Letting him know upfront puts him in check and he will either flee or try get to know you better.

•MEN ARE HUNTERS its encoded in their DNA. So after they hunt us down the question is what next? Do we become trophy girls[lil display for his buddies so he can get a few hi5s] or a keeper[girlfriend/wifey material. The one he takes home to meet le mother].
Now here is something us ladies just don’t get. Its not the guy who determines what you are or what the relationship will be its all you! So if you treated like a “one night stand” well…ey Don’t hate the player CHANGE the game! GAME CHANGERS don’t get played like that why cos they set their requirements so he knows she don’t get down like that…
The other thing ladies we have to be clear on is WE ARE IN CONTROL! We control the conversation, the approach, the way he talks to you, whether or not he can buy you a drink etc… So if all you do is send nudes and think he’ll be your man honey your clearly mistaken. If you allow him to talk to you like he was raised by a barbarian best believe he will forever speak to you that way. He has told you he has a girlfriend yet you still go for drinks when he calls, you hoping he will leave her! You are a trophy girl! Take control, lay down your requirements and let him know you’re NOT a trophy girl and you will not settle for less.

THE 90 DAY RULE!
Does this work you wonder? Was that bald headed dude Mr S Harvey just pulling our leg? No, ladies he wasn’t! It actually works. There really is no need to rush into a sex! And if you think sex will make a man stay then you are DEEPLY mistaken. It doesn’t matter how good you are for all we know your vagina could have hands and does all kinds of tricks but its not enough! He too would like someone to talk too and connect with. Use your 90days to build a friendship, some sort of a relationship and if he has a plan for you 90days shouldn’t be a problem.

•WHEN HE HAS A PLAN FOR YOU
When a REAL MAN yes A REAL MAN not those sorry excuses of male species you always end up under on a friday horny night! When he really likes, cares, loves you etc he will PROFESS it to everybody. Let everyone know that you are his girlfriend, his lady, his woman etc…He will give you a title that extends beyond “this is my friend” or “this is …………..”(«Insert name here). A man who truly has feelings for you will give you a title. The title let’s people know that he is proud of you, he has a PLAN for you! A long term commitment. It also let’s those shady guys know that you are NOT AVAILABLE and well the title keeps the bandits in their lane. So if you get introduced to his boys as his “friend” then you exactly just that! His friend. Not convinced? OKAY! See if you haven’t met his boys(the ones that matter), his mother, sister, boss and its been 90days(3months) and counting then you are HIS FRIEND or his TROPHY GIRL honey RUN… Let that guy GO!!! PROFESSION is key.
•PROVIDE- from a young age men are taught how they must provide for their family. So if you “miss independent” girl that’s great you can do you but look here 1. Every female out there must ask herself if the guy courting is able to provide! Honest question nothing gold digger about it. Be realistic! Though I’m not saying you should be a full fledged taker.
2. Remember he has been taught that a man MUST provide. So a REAL man will do what he has to do to provide for his woman/family.
Its great that you can pay the bill n do this n that BUT let him be THE MAN and provide for you (again…this doesn’t mean you should be a bandit and let him pay for everything! That’s not what I said).
•PROTECT- Another lesson men are taught at a young age is a man must protect his woman/family. When a man truly loves he will NOT allow anyone to disrespect you or attack you and live to tell the tale. I know you hold your man down and all but ladies let him defend your honour some of you are just too ghetto, you way more aggressive than he is(scary!!) sit your ass down we know you could have gone 1 on 1 with the other guy but be a LADY and LET him protect you.

•HIS THREE NEEDS
1. Support. Hold your man down! Have his back cos when he leaves home, he leaves like his going for battle. He is constantly on the ready to defend all his gains even you. So when you alone together he let’s his guard down because he seeks comfort in you. Appreciate all the lil things he does for you, let him know just how much you do.
2. Loyalty. No matter what show him love by being loyal. A man understands love via loyalty. Yeap men and women love differently FACT!! If your loyalty is unconditional, unquestioned he would kill for you.
3. Sex. Need I say more! When you start to slack on sexing your man despite you being his #1 lady/girlfriend/fiance/wife best believe has a cookie jar with a loose lid just waiting to slide open. I know sometimes its the last thing on your mind and you tired but honey your excuses can’t go on forever! And remember bandits don’t have excuses lol so at this point ITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP #ImJustSaying. (Read previous blog post)

See when you establish the kinda female you are and whether or not you looking for a relationship you save yourself so much time and effort. Why put in so much of your energy in someone who’s only interested in putting his hand in your cookie jar? Half the time you already know its not gonna go anywhere so why behave like a trophy girl and expect wifey treatment? Girl get some standards, set your requirements and CHANGE the game BE A KEEPER you can’t be a trophy forever.

DISCLAIMER- If you only sleep with married men or guys with girlfriends hoping to change the game and have him leave his wife/girlfriend then honey this post aint for you! Get standards, set your requirements and find your own man!!!
it could take a while but at least you would have found a man to call your own!

PS: this blog is a combination of Mr Harvey n my own thoughts. Some of you ladies didn’t get it when Steve said it so I’m just removing the smudge off your brains so that you do…. Your welcome (LOL)

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ITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

So we meet people spark an interest, we wine and dine do all extras of courting and even go the extra mile just so one day that person becomes our significant other. So now what happens after the honeymoon phase is over? That’s the time when relationships do get tested. I don’t understand or see why people stop doing the things they used to in the very beginning. What changes? What makes us act different? Well nothing really changes its just we get TOO comfortable and that’s very dangerous for a relationship.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be comfortable just don’t get TOO comfortable in your relationship and it doesn’t matter if you just dating, engaged or married DONT GET TOO COMFORTABLE. Its that “too comfortable zone” that makes people act different cause in their mind you’ll always “be there”, in their mind they know you not going anywhere so even if they forget to do something nice you’ll forgive, understand, and still “be there”

So these actions leave room for side chicks, bandits, gigolo’s, players whatever you wanna call them to make their move on YOUR significant other. They doing the lil things, saying things you don’t say anymore!

LADIES be fun and spontaneous every man likes that. Be bandit-ish for him! After all he is YOUR man. Send him a nude pic of yourself, let him know just how much you miss ALL of him;)
•When you out with friends be flirty with him whisper in his ear you want “it and you want it NOW” excuse yourselves and go get busy;)
•When you sleep over or vice versa get up before him tidy up quick and fix him some breakfast, FEED YOUR MAN if you won’t best believe someone else will.
•Always try something new read sex tips, strip, try edible body paints, whip cream and strawberries DON’T be shy have fun with him and find out what works for you as a couple!
•The bedroom isn’t the only place you can get it! The kitchen, shower, lounge, on the washing machine, dining table go wild with it. FYI if you gonna be extra adventurous and have sex in public be discrete NOBODY has to know let it be your dirty lil secret:)
•GUYS send flowers to her workplace, school or home(wherever she is) its not her birthday, anniversary or whatever but its a beautiful gesture! Send her flowers just because YOU can.
•Pick up her up after work take her for a movie n maybe dinner have light drinks. Have some one-on-one time.
•GUYS just because she’s your woman doesn’t mean you stop being CLEAN! The same efforts you used to put in the beginning SHOULD NEVER STOP! Ladies same applies to you just because he knows what you look like in the morning doesn’t mean powder n lip gloss stop being your friends.
•LADIES its #MatchDay you can’t try and talk to him during the game. That’s selfish and inconsiderate. Instead of nagging get him a beer watch the game with him. Support the opponents, make a few bets and just have fun with it(be creative with your bet).
•GUYS she got you beer, watched the game with you, be nice run her a bath, help her with the dishes, watch “SINGLE LADIES” with her.
•Do fun stuff together.
•Your a couple you don’t always have to be out! You have nothing to prove to society. Just stay in and bond. Talk, laugh, cry together.
•LADIES REMEMBER you always have to be on top your game cos these bandits are quick and will not hesitate to suck your mans penis(I don’t like the word Dick…lol) and do all the things you “think” you can’t do. GUYS you too don’t walk around saying you can’t eat her out! Some nigga out there is dying to eat the hell out her if you don’t!
•Ladies when you done with your bath, you don’t have to wear perfume or deo a nice scented body lotion is more than enough…its not strong and perfect for the night.

There so many things I could go on and on about to keep your relationship fresh and in the honeymoon phase for years and still grow strong as a couple. Its all down to you and what you willing to do! Leave no room for your wo/mans heart and eyes to wonder. Relationships can be beautiful and fun. Its all down to you!

DISCLAIMER: This blog WILL NOT prevent cheating. It doesn’t matter how great you are if your partner WANTS to cheat then that’s exactly what they going to do.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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THE THIRST

THIRST verb: to have strong desire for something
THIRSTY adjective: eager for something.

Now that we are clear on that lemmie begin.

I’ve seen a lot of thirsty niggas and females in the burg(lusaka) and it truly is frightening. Some females are so desperate they’d do almost anything for the social status, money or for their false self esteem issues they tryna fill and for the guys well a few hi5’s from the guys and he is good(retarded yes! But guys are a special kind of species).

I’ve heard some thirsty females say some dumb shit like “she thinks her man is everything*mxxcm* he USED TO want me, I can SLEEP with him if I want”…. Like bitch said whaaaa! Key words “USED TO” you denied the nigga probably let him suck a tit but things didn’t work out now that he’s moved on you wanna quench a thirst! Why not let things be, what’s there to prove to yourself? Then some just because a nigga be driving a mercedes, range rover, bmw and has a few kwachas in his pocket and drinks from news, chicagos etc you already wanna be jumping on his joy stick(joy stick- penis: yes it does give that joy and you know it ladies!!) all for the sake of “keeping up appearances” how many joy sticks are you gonna shift on all in the name of “keeping up appearances” and let’s be honest some joy sticks don’t even bring the joy LOL.

Fellas though! Just because she got ass, thick thighs and a small ass dress don’t mean you have to hit it! Come on now! How many panties are you going to drop? All for what? A few hi5’s and a status? Then some of you have good women that ride or die kinda female and yet your thirsty ass still be dropping the wrong panties all for what? Broken condoms, an itch and sometimes she aint even that good though! Her twerking deceived you jorrr!!!

Man this social circle is sooooo small its like everybody is sleeping with everybody. Just last weekend you were all up in somebaday or they were all up in you*chuckles-smh* but aren’t you afraid of the diseases you could pick up? I mean an STI you can deal with but AIDS esh china you done! We such a young generation but the thirst is so strong that people are more afraid of dying in a car crash than the rabies(AIDS) What is wrong with this world? Condoms are not 100% safe and its not like people have their status symbols +ve or -ve printed on their foreheads.

So really is your thirst that strong that you willing to risk your health? I mean we all above 25(lol, I hope)isn’t it time to build relationships with someone you see yourself having a strong, committed future with? Someone you know you don’t have to worry about?!

Anyway I could go on but the Lusaka Thirst is real and scary everybody be up in each others bodies like its an episode of greys anatomy. Oh well my thirsty readers be wise use protection AIDS is real!

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THE DARKNESS WITHIN

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror and there she is staring back at me. She has my off black hair, my small lil button nose, my lil eyes, fair skin and thin lips. She really does look like me but all I see is a familiar stranger. You know that person you see in a crowd and you swear you know, but really don’t? She also just happens to have all my memories, friends, family etc… But something is different, something has died and changed. She isn’t the girl I used to know. The girl who was ever so nice, timid, afraid to step out of her boundaries. The girl I see in the mirror is a beast and very protective of that which is hers. She guards her heart and has it placed in a thorny rose bush, she is fuller of life and is less afraid of those around her. She guards those closet to her and believes in loyalties and all that mess, she walks taller with her shoulders back, provocative and witty she is my inner beast, she is ME!!!

I’m not afraid to look you in the eye and stand for that which I believe and that which I love. I’m not afraid to stand by my self values, discipline, ambition, passion etc… I don’t have to pretend to like you, I don’t have to entertain you cos you my friend/family/ex/stranger have shown me that this life can be beautiful and ugly at the same time -bittersweet.

The beast in me will not let you and the devil destroy me. I’m stronger now and got my armour on, so let rumble.

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SHATTERED TRUST

Any relationship with any human being it be a parent, partner or friend is a rollercoaster. It will have its highs and lows, its sick moments and fun moments, but there comes a time when TRUST, the bonding factor that separates ones relationship with these “lusaka friendships and marriages” is tested.

When two people fall out and aren’t talking there is a time for “space” and in this “space” you alone and get to reflect on the issue at hand, calm down and ask yourself all sort of questions about the relationship;”how did we get here?”, “is it worth fixing?” Blah blah blah… Then you have a sit down discuss things cos maybe things are actually worth preserving. So you discuss and apologise to each other, hugs, kisses and have some heated make up sex [if its that kinda relationship;) LOL]

Now that, that’s over and the birds are singing, flowers blooming*fart noiseses*and you start talking and be all laughs and summer rain a huge cloud sits over you, a cloud of fear and mistrust. How do you begin to trust again? How do you begin to open up? How do you take that 1st step? Terrified and in as much as you itching to take that 1 step your concious makes you stumble like a baby finding its feet.

Now you think twice before you say or do anything restricted by shattered trust everything changes and now you stand there with two paths, 1) Be naïve and trust whole hearted or 2) guard yourself and take micro steps to trust but leave huge room for disappointment.

Shattered trust is like a broken mirror you can piece it together but the cracks are still so visible. -Malama Monde Mukonde

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CRACKS IN OUR BEAUTY

So I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions but life is so great and such a bully that I know for a fact I still have a few more bad decisions up sleeve in my future*yes I might as well be honest with myself*

The decisions I’ve made out of anger, stupidity, “spur of the moment”, spiritual, sexual, relationships, friendships…gosh the list is endless. Some could look at me and be judge-mental and ask “how could she?”, “what was she thinking?”, “what’s wrong with that girl?” The honest truth is maybe I was blind-sided, and the funny thing about bad decisions is they feel so right in that moment; The angel on my shoulder tells me its not right but the devil can be so loud sometimes, I end up asking myself why??!! Why did I listen to his wickedness?! …smdh

Then when I sit down and confide in one of you and you hear my story in as much as it sounds reckless to you, it honestly sounds reckless to me too. So even if I know it, don’t judge me cos you see the cracks in me cos in the end a valuable lesson is learned; PERFECTION, its a glorified opinion when in the grand scheme of things its our [(MY)] imperfections that truly make us perfect so let’s do ourselves a favour and find the beauty in our cracks.

P.S- Let go off all the hurt, anger and all things negative, celebrate life and live strong through the good and bad and thank God for your health (am sure we’ve dogged the bullet 1 or 2 times-LOL….see there you go judging psssh). Stay true to yourself. xxx

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THE DISTANT HEART

Everyone, well almost everyone knows the challenges of being in a long distance relationship. The question tags that cling onto your partner like vegas strip club flashing lights. In as much as you ignore the questions they will always be there.

So I face those challenges everyday and no lie the arguments are more cos you really just miss each other and the frustration of the distance dawns on you both. The honest truth is that even with all the trust you can’t help but wonder, how many birds be tryna score with your man cos it will be stupid to think he aint going out hanging out with his boys and in every male pack there is always that one who knows one to many females for his own good. So what do you do psycho call him n text him? Then come the times when an argument explodes; 3, 5, 7, 9 days with no communication and now you begin to worry as to what’s happening cos the honest truth is during a fight the longer you go without talking the more distance you create.

Many don’t realise these things but its true. My heart was so so sore, him n I weren’t speaking and that just made me feel like I was losing him I know he can be stubborn but I have to fight for that which is “US”. And even when the argument feels larger than life I as the woman need to hold my ground cos if I crumble we fall. I’ve learned so much these last few days about him, me and our relationship and one thing is bluntly clear, I’ve worked too hard and been too stressed to let another female enjoy all I’ve built and still building.

The distance maybe…lol NO! its hard! Its really hard right now, but a few more months and him and I will be begging for space lol. So with all the hurdles before us I ask myself is it worth it? Is he worth it? Can I do this? Cos geeezuss it aint easy and the answer is YES a few psycho calls, texts, arguments, laughs, tears etc all make it worth it.

My final thought long distance isn’t something one should get themselves into if they not ready cos all the temptations to cheat flaunt themselves and BOOM next thing your relationship is over, the obstacles esh so…be ready, be sure its all up to you.

A distant heart is a delicate heart.

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The pedigree man- The simple comparison of man and his best friend, dog!

For decades now its been said that all men are dogs! So I guess for the longest time men have truly pissed off women, driven them to insanity, murder and the mere heartbreak. A friend once said to me that men, these dogs as we occasionally refer to them are pretty much like the show dogs. **show dogs- pedigrees that do all sorts of tricks and win ribbons at the end of the competition and rewarded with treats by their owners** how you wonder well its simple…

The 3rd place pedigree: The red ribbon winner, not so much to look at but does all the tricks and listens, he is a very compassionate and you can see the love he is uzzing with but he isn’t given much attention because he is just mans “best friend”. In the human world this is the guy who is stuck in the “friend zone” yes that is pretty much self explanatory nice guy but he is the friend. Boo hoo sad story clean up and take charge ladies he is what you want but yet we still look passed him.

2nd place pedigree: The green ribbon winner, ha! Now this one delivers on MOST tricks, is well groomed and just adorable. Remember I said, DELIVERS on MOST tricks and is a lil slippery, always looking to see what the other dogs are doing but awwww that cute face who could say no! In the human world now this is male who has a lot of unnecessary pressure from his fellow hounds…oops I mean homies its not really his thing to trip out on his woman but secretly loves the attention and misleading praise from the blue ribbon boys…tsk

1st place pedigree: The blue ribbon winner! Oh my…now this dog is simply amazing. Well groomed, does all the tricks, listens and captures the judges attention with those big puppy eyes *awwww you say* ha! In human form oh lord this guy is just on a whole different level. He is that guy who blind sides his girlfriend/wife and you tell her anything negative about him and she would never believe you, simply because he is at her command he ladies and gents has painted in a picture in her mind that is a masterpiece but this hound needs to remember that with the right material a masterpiece could blow up in flames too, but even with that he himself is blind and feels invincible thanks to all the unnecessary attention from the short sited females and ah yes the praise from the green and red ribbon winners.

So with all the pedigrees we can shop for and no matter how well trained the dog is always remember ladies that every dog likes to have its belly rubbed.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Me before you.

Like a high a school romance he slips me a note ‘damn girl’ with a heart faced emoji(terrible drawing-but it has me blushing). Now I know he wants it, I know, I want it too because the feels involved are not of this world. That shed a tear from your soul kinda feel. Nah! It’s not of this world. The passion is intense yet euphoric, I can taste him even as I put these words down. He looks into my eyes, saying ‘I love you’ and without saying a word I respond, ‘I Love you too’. A kiss so honest you can’t begin to imagine a life without that honesty. Me before you.

I smile and giggle for no reason because in that moment I am happy. I look at him and the memories flash through my mind.  The love making, the fucking*giggles*, the security in a cuddle, the awkward shows that say what we should be saying to each other(i laugh and giggle because its always awkward, like universe, really! you couldn’t sit this one out! No!:) lmao). It’s the prayers to Allah(God), It’s the little bit of hope that one day In Sha Allah he will stop running and see that I am not going anywhere if he isn’t! Because what’s the point if you are only going to give a little bit but want it all? RIGHT?!? It’s the understanding even in silence(he has no idea how much I love that!), the warmth in a hug and a kiss. It feels so right, its wrong. Like you know if this person broke your heart that would be the end of you… Or Allah(God) forbid they died before you… The chest pains in just the thought….*heh-okay*. Me before you.

The rubber band effect. The moment we get a little bit closer to our souls touching just the tip emotionally, just when it starts to feel too good, the rubber band is let go.  He let’s go! OUCH*MY CHEST!-heh* Searching for it because now, I can’t find it. I can’t find him….. This always breaks my heart because it usually leaves invitation for others to fill in the space. If he is not sharing his dreams, his day: the good days, the bad days and the okay days with me, then who? I want to know when he is hurting so I can tell him “its a fucked up situation and there is nothing he can do” or “It’s going to be fine!” if it actually will be, Or not say anything but listen because really what can I do, but listen. Doesn’t he want to know if my dreams fit his? Though, it’s funny how I pick up on things I just wish he could actually come out and say them… My Adonis. LOL he always says I ask too many questions….lol-I know… I ask questions because I want to  know what he is thinking, what’s going on, is he ok! if he has eaten because I WANT TO KNOW!!!… I mean, how can you love someone and not know how their day has been? Sometimes we take chances because that’s all we can do. We do it by having a bit of faith. Allah(God) is LOVE, our belief in him is based on faith. He made man in his own image, remember! Therefore we will always look for love. I don’t know if he realises this but I too am scared. I feel it too. Like I know how bad the hurt would be if it didn’t work. No matter who he or I ended up with it wouldn’t be the same(well i don’t think it would-hmmm..). Drawn like magnets *lol-dies*.  Oh how my heart  wants a lil bit more… But then the rubber band effect. Chest Pains. Me before you.

Here I stand. We very similar yet so different I love it. I just wish we could fill in the missing piece(s). I see the scars the passed have left behind(you can trace them with a pencil). I’d like to believe my hearts intentions are pure. I don’t ask  Allah(God), I tell him. I tell him to protect him and guide his path to success  so he may have all his hearts desires-happiness because asking leaves room for NO! I want him to be happy with or without me, but I would LOVE if it were me, of course. Only Allah(God) knows how this end’s but he also knows the desires of my heart so, In Sha Allah. Anyway, I stand here trying, but he pulls away, yet here I stand. Seeing other guys offer me a chair so I can rest my legs, bringing me water cos I must be dehydrated from all this standing. “You must be hungry…” said the gentleman standing behind the guy with the fancy car and foot massage vouchers. I see them but I can’t be bothered. I know what I am standing for, I know how beautiful it can be, I’ve tasted it, I know he has too but the rubber band effect… it blocks us from moving forward. If he broke my heart or Allah(God) forbid died!(eeeeh my chest!!! ouch, ouch, ouch…) I feel like my world would never be the same but here I am ready to risk it all..LOL because honestly, you just never know and besides life is too short!! RIGHT!!!???!! (smh-I know, I know….but seriously, then what’s the point? Life is about risks/chances..RIGHT???? mmmm….).  Okay. Here I am. Me before you.

A lil bit more. With fears on both sides of the coin this feels like Russian roulette. Conversations with ex’s, no phone calls, texts, no check ups, no problems or dreams shared(lol…okay not that its not there, its just not enough for where we are-or am i the only one here?…LOL esh these things..). The little effort made is appreciated but when its not enough it creates a space. Our biggest obstacle. I know he loves me, I know he knows I love him too but we have such a distance and it just needs a bit more of a push… A lil bit more trust and faith. I want inside jokes(not that we can’t have them we have okay senses of humour-right baby?:)) I want to touch the scars left behind, so I can heal them with a kiss of loyalty, trust, laughter, faithfulness, randomness, happiness, progress, healing… I read a picture quote that said “People always choose the wrong person first, and when the right person arrives they stop trusting people”. Has he stopped trusting people? When people hurt people, the one who actually gets hurt is the blind one. New on the scene just trying. That’s the one who’s heart breaks more because all they can do is try but the damage left behind by ones before…. People really need to stop playing games with people.  Like how did we get here? take me back to 2002 when 100 meant something.  Lord knows I am trying and these chairs and glasses of water are starting to form in the mirage ahead. I don’t want to tell anyone else about plans or my day… It’s him I want to call for the most random of things because he is my guy. Just a lil bit more… Like would it be so bad? Am I difficult to talk too? I don’t know… “Talk to him” they say but “talking” is very hard ka! Like you have to be ready for anything!!!!!!…*lol*.. the fuckery behind it!…esh*dead-chest pains**hummms jidenna ‘A lil bit more’… Me before you.

Karma. All we can do is try? RIGHT? After all we both know there is something here. If not we should just allow each other to be miserably happy else where. Why tell someone you love them and not be in it for real. It’s all or nothing… I mean we love Allah(God) and tell him everything… When we are wrong we ask him for forgiveness. If you have hurt someone ask them for forgiveness. We were made in his image therefore, we love. We try and get into meaningful relationships but unfortunately not everything works out. Picking ourselves up we try again! And again! And again! until we can’t do it anymore. Hurting people along the way never asking them for their forgiveness. Seems more like a curse. How can you not apologise to that which Allah(God) has created in his image? You hurt the person next to you, moved on with your life without a heartfelt apology! And you expect love to find you! or just fall on your lap? Sometimes we go through so much heart break because universe, karma…what! what! I know I haven’t paid my dues but I always genuinely wish my ex’s well and that’s that. So, ummm universe! like can I catch break! and just enjoy what this could be… without the ex’s, the randoms, human interest-gossip and all that noise and just be us… Just enjoy the time we spend together and make memories… Because I love the butterflies I get, the fact that I can’t stop smiling and giggling when he is around or as I approach his apartment, worrying and wondering if he is okay, the threesomes with Mary Jane… Gosh this nigga…his mind! He is so smart, he makes me chuckle. I know it wont be easy, we both scared so(me) braver than others LOL…. But we only LIVE once why waste an opportunity to LOVE and LAUGH… But maybe for all the hearts I have broken this is my punishment.

An ex once said to me that I was the thin line in his life between being truly loved and truly being in love. I never understood it, but I do now.  Me before you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why are you single?

A question i have been asked by many, a question that leaves me exhausted because the men think my line of thought is savage. Heartless in short. 
So, why am I single? Easy! men are dogs! No, honey that’s not it. My status falls on society and it’s newly adopted norms. Norms that were frowned upon years ago. 

We live in a society where people are marrying for convenience, dating for fun and sleeping with everybody else because one sexual partner is just not enough and monogamy is for the weak. 

Is this why am single? YES!!!. Am single because am not okay with the norms of society. I want to be in a relationship that’s nasty, honest, has loyalty and trust with a man who can be faithful, is smart, funny, witty, has great family values, is ambitious, works hard, takes care of himself(fitness) and enjoys sport. A man who understands and wants the same things. Always 💯.                                 A man who is not just a partner but a friend too. Am I asking for a lot? I think not, but society will disagree. That man does not exist, you think to yourself. He does. I know  one or two fine gents😍😍😍why am I not with either one❔❔❔❕Well, they don’t think am great enough to have their 💜 so they just out there getting broken and disappointed☕🐸(I’ve made my peace with that☕💃and letting go).

I can’t be with whom my heart desires but optimistic enough to find that in someone new. Now, with modern day society where hook ups are like a light switch. On today off tomorrow is EXHAUSTING and HORRIFYING😩 

Exhausting because how many can you really get into? Horrifying because people do not fear HIV/AIDS😩🔫 I want to have kids and breastfeed, have that mother to child connection. I can’t if I am positive. Being +ve takes a lot from a parent and child. We never stop to think about tomorrow. Wrapped up in our own selfish, meaningless sexual encounters. No, you count me out. Why settle for that? When sex with someone you share a strong bond with can be magical 🎆🎆🎆. 

Relationship’s today are vile. When did people stop caring? What happened? People would rather settle for a situationship. Ya! Ela you can’t even have a situationship with someone because they don’t keep it 💯. They too busy trying to get you and some…Now as this is the dating scene how does one put themselves out there?  How can you not be single?

N.A.M.E

Making love to the beat, boy it sounds so slow, it seems slow. Feeling every single beat of the song, boy it feels good. I can taste you on my tongue with every thrust. Biting my lip💋as I open my blury eyes. Vision clear and it’s not you in front of me but my stupid computer. Flashbacks have me heated, debating on whether to send that one text.

.. “Come and fuck with a G, boy you already know”

I’ve got some grams on me for the night. Nigga if you don’t leave for the night, we can get tree high and discover something new🚬…something about my name.🍃

*giggles*No, you don’t know my name..

Lately, niggas just want my sex. Am i looking sexier in my new weight or could it be hijab fantasies??💭💭💭

You don’t know that, you the one on my brain! On my brain, we keep it💯only you understand what that means…like me you want the same thing. 

I hit you with the late night text when I’m on a roll. Nigga you know I’m tryna vibe with you, have fun with you. We always vibing with other people never with each other🎳. Too afraid to tap into it? Am afraid too. 

When you come into my city, i should slide with you, ride with you… Let’s keep it low key. Have fun together, fight for this  as we build us. No interruptions. These niggas always trying to taint you, while these hoes do the same with me, but they can never hold down like us…we still here, where are they now???

Boy, you might’ve read my blogs and tweets but you don’t (you don’t know my ….)

Okay.Nigga I got a thing for you. Hustling hard with these chinese dealers when it’s time, so you can see am not here for your money or your potential but ours.🔗

I give you my loyalty and my trust! You can’t get it these days buts its here for you? On the phone or a message, just say something…Can we get past all these one-word discussions-small talk? Take a chance and run with it? I know you got feelings but I need to know, boy, I need to know something….

*Cause you don’t know my name, You don’t know my name*

Boy it’s obvious you got some problems. It’s obvious you got some issues and that’s okay. What if God sent me in your life and it’s obvious I’m here to fix you while you fix me?Growth🌾 When I can’t go any longer, I need someone stronger to hold on, to get me through and stay by my side, boy you know ama ride and come to your rescue every time you need me.👂

You say that you know my name. The songs that I sing. The set that I bang. The shit that I claim. You don’t know me. I know this because you run from me, like i run from you. You don’t know about me. I know this….

*Cause you don’t know my name*

I fell in love with somebody who doesn’t even know my name!!! How did i get here? Lost and confused…We’ve been at it a while now🔄. I need to trace back to when i fell, because you dont know my name. I know this, I’m ashamed.🙈By my name I’m not talking about the name you call me! I’m talking about who I am!!!

And I know you don’t know my name (You don’t know my…) He knows the songs that I sing, All the shit that I claim and even the set that I bang. 

But i’m something »I’m tryna figure it out, But if he’s walking out, he will never know my name. 

Can’t let him go! Can’t afford to.

Disclaimer Please don’t go trynna pin me with someone. Blog inspired by Tory Lanez. Download the song N.A.M.E

He Said Don’t Fall In-Love….

He was something familiar, no stranger to my heart. So my heart embraced him. He was broken and I took him in. I listened to his broken hearted stories and shared mine. I saw his dreams through his eyes and I believed them in my heart. I saw more than just an old flame, I saw more than the 20 something year old boy I used to trip over my toes for. I saw him for the man he was today. And oh what a man!!..

Chatting like time hadn’t passed us, spending time together doing absolutely nothing. In that nothing the time spent together meant everything. We clowned around and kissed…a lot*giggles*the chemistry between us was electrifying*bites lip…giggles-mmmm*so electrifying stopping myself…yes myself was always difficult but I managed..wooop🙌🙌🙌 I had to stop myself…I couldn’t give him all of me without being sure about us. 

“Don’t fall in love” I heard him say. I remember him saying that a long time ago. Why is he saying this now? Is he about to exit my life again? I asked myself. Please not right now I thought to myself, but I knew this was it. And it was.

One day the texts just stopped coming. My calls went unanswered. I tried to reach him but he chose to ignore. Puzzled, by his actions I begged him to tell me why he went silent on me. Nothing! No answer! 📴Shattered I promised myself I wouldn’t cry but it hurt so much.   

 We talked about many things, shared many views, but 1 thing still haunts me. Why would he say don’t fall in love? Yes, i did like him but I didn’t say I wanted to be his Mrs or his babymama🚼…I just wanted us to enjoy our time together. Get to know the adults we have become. Was I asking for too much? I couldn’t understand how we got here..  He could have been something special, till he showed his ugly. Is this the same man I thought was amazing a few weeks ago? 

I was crushed. He never had the decency to tell me why he went quiet… He did say “don’t fall in love” but could that have been it? Could he have read me wrong? I know I throw myself in moments because life is short and you just never know, but what level of selfishness is this?

After his actions, he was right. He wasn’t worth my smile, my thoughts, he wasn’t worth the “have you eaten?” texts…he wasn’t worth my heart. My love CANNOT come to you because I have promised myself to never be a fool for a man.  

Esh but that level of fuckboy👏👏👏i should have seen it coming, but I was blinded by the man in front of me.  

Hey SugaMama!

Suga mamas also known as cougars. The older something woman hunting the younger man aka cubs. An ever growing norm.

This is something that we see almost everywhere we go… These cougars and their cubs. The cougar is either married, divorced or single. Her husband has many young girls and she is tired of waiting on her husband so she finds herself a cub to fill her life with excitement. The divorced cougar, isn’t looking for anything serious she’s just out to have fun then we have the singles who, well we can’t really blame their taste for younger guys, the dating game is crap!! Forced to compete with the younger girls… It’s too much of a hustle.

Lowered into the arms of the cougar by her money. LOL. His financial situation seems brighter these days, he even has a car. Wow, this guy is doing well for himself, you’d think… No, honey winning in life doesn’t happen over night. Same way you can’t be rolling in expensive cars like your father is a mechanic… He is being kept by his suga mama just like you’ve got your suga daddy…It’s a vicious circle.

The loaded suga mama and her boy toy. Making it hard for us younger girls. We can’t compete with what you have to offer(guys does that line of thought seem familiar…)the female to man ratio is already unfair…and here you come with your money and toys….LOL…got these boys talking about they like women with “experience”. Experience in what? Shopping, cooking, heartbreak…what experience, please don’t say sex. Sex only is as good as the connection between two people.

Anyway cougars are on the rise ma sister’s. I don’t know what’s left…

Something to think about…. Her husband is dating your friend, she is dating your boyfriend, esh AIDS is here to stay. Protect yourselves!!

image

Condoms are your friends. xoxo dolls…

P.S could it be safe to say guys who have suga mama’s have mommy issuses?😂😂😂

Uncle Sugar Daddy….

A married man seems to be a trending fashion accessory in these streets. Many females seem to be rocking a sugar daddy, with that long Brazilian and 12inch stilettos…

Wooed into that life because you need that Peruvian hair, clothes, S6 edge, money for bundles etc…all because you feel you need to be on the same level with the flashy females. So here comes uncle, sugar daddy with his generous wallet. He is ready to give you, your hearts desires on condition that you lay on your back for a few nights in random hotels and lodges till he is done with you. Enjoying the free drinks and materials that come along all for what? Do you realise that you aren’t the only pretty young thing making him feel twenty something again… When you are unavailable he has another you ready to jump for that S6 Edge and free drinks.
Vulnerable to catching an STI or even worse HIV/AIDS because you are stupid enough to believe you are the only one! So you let him hit it raw….But hold on, what about his wife? So much for being the only one huh! Do you ever stop to think what she must be going through? Remember God hates divorce so if his wife is a prayerful woman, the karma coming is busy doing push ups. A wife will not sit back and watch a miss nobody woo her way into her home to grab everything she has worked to hard to build with HER husband.

All these fancy things are nice untill someone gets sick, caught and is exposed to the public. We forget that one day we too shall be married. One day we shall be the queen of the house…only to have our husbands do the same as our sugar daddies did to their wives… We will one day endure the pain and sleepless nights… Personally, i think it will be Gods way of saying “it’s not so fun now, huh”

Ladies if you are going to have a sugar daddy be discrete about your shenanigans the public doesn’t have to know. You will one day come to your senses and leave that life behind, so think about how you would want people to address you… And for you contemplating on whether or not you should get a sugar daddy, DON’T!!! It’s not worth it…just study hard, work hard to achieve your goals. Don’t give someone the satisfaction to say they are the reason you are successful as they cough something AIDS related… Be strong and wise enough to pray against such. The devil will disguise himself as something you WANT and never what you NEED…

xoxo dolls…

That Baby Daddy….

LOL….

Okay, forgive me for laughing out loud, but today we have too many people having kids outside marriage and not many getting into marriage. It’s really is a sad norm thats spinning out of control.
Young couples too comfortable with having unprotected sex, too absorded in the thrill and the few times they’ve been lucky…though for how long can you be lucky?

“Babe i think I’m late”…..that text finally comes, you ignore her messages.. All of a sudden you too busy to talk about it, too busy for her to come over and now you have a “girlfriend”!!!… Am sorry, where was this girlfriend when you released your sex inside of her? Afraid to take on the consequences of your actions you ignore her, treat like she is the scumb underneath your shoes. Walking around like you never used to hit it.

She knows she can’t terminate the pregnancy, the risks are too high.. So she keeps the child, forced to face her family alone, forced to face the kachepas alone. Everyday is struggle but she chooses not to give up for the sake of the innocent child she carries… There you are not a care in the world, for that which is of your flesh and blood.  How do you sleep at night knowing very well your child will soon be born, but you choose to disown it till death do you part!!!

Do you ever stop to think about what she is going through? You deny her openly, so now she has to face the world like she is just trying to pin something on you…. She has to deal with her family! Do you ever stop to think about that? She wasn’t tossing and turning in between your sheets by herself…you were there too!!! The world is tough! But should you be that beat down guy who can’t even own up to responsibility?? It saddens my heart to see guys like this breed… Forgetting that one day your child will be grown and will know you abandoned him/her and will make something of themselves and be successful only to have you crawl back into it’s life because karma has you pinned to the ground. Nah!!!!

Ladies, also this desperation of wanting a guy needs to stop! Stop settling for anything, stop giving useless males your time… Don’t bring a child into a world to suffer just because you couldnt say NO! Its really not fair….

As a woman you are the power. Say NO to dead beat guys….